Without you, they're just stars.

I am exploding with feelings. 

I want to get out of here.  Not necessarily Birmingham, although I've been here for quite a long time and I wouldn't mind getting away.  But I want extremely badly to be out of here, whatever that entails.  I am emphatically lonely.  Not romantically, as I've got a very affectionate Jakey that stops at nothing for me.  But there are days when I feel so utterly insignificant that I could melt away, because sometimes, I don't just want romance.  Nothing can replace friends.  Nothing.  I am stressed and consumed, and exhausted by it. And I'm sad, because bad things happen to good people, and because I hate goodbyes.  And grateful that this weekend happened.  Bubbly, because I've got a really great snuggle-buddy/ serendader, who secretly loves little black kittens.  :3  I'm really happy about where my life is.  Looking at it seriously, it's actually put together really well.  Everything's where it should be, I'm moving forward and getting chunks of independence here and there, and if I compare my life to those of most other people, I think I've got it made.  I can be proud of myself.  Oh.  And, my snowflakes/Christmas tree are still up, and right now, that makes me extra happy.

So that's what goes through my head in an average five minutes, these days.  That, and the 'what-ifs'.  I'm not torturing myself, though.  I'm bemused and altogether content.  We spent the night on Toan's couch in Atlanta.  We'd gone up to visit with Dal, Teshie, and Kao, but since our last stop happened to be the Bone Garden (yum!) replete with alcoholic beverages for all the driving parties in our car-- and we're some serious lightweights-- combined with the fact that we really, really wanted to spend more time with them, we just kind of crashed there.  I'm sure that I did more crashing than Jake, though.  XD They stayed up to play Brutal Legend.  Although Rephe is very allergic to kitties, Ella seemed to favorite him immediately.  My theory is that she recognized that here was a man that was weak to her.  :3  She was pouncing on his face and sniffing at him all the time.. and his face was extremely puffy before long.  Ala, who I'd never really gotten to know before, was extremely sweet.  She went on a wild hunt to find antihistamines for him, picked up after our messy butts, and was really thoughtful.  Obviously, Toan and Chik were also super thoughtful and sweet.  I can't believe their lives are moving so fast, it still seems like we should all be rocking out in undergrad.    And they're already getting ready to leave.
It makes me a lot sadder than I realized.

We spent the day at the aquarium again.  I'm such a nerd, I neeever get over things like museums, planetariums, zoos, etc.  I was subjected to Toan's extreme brilliance with taking photos.  He taught me just a little bit about how to use my camera, which I was extremely grateful for.  I wanted so badly to teach myself how to use it, but I haven't really found myself with the time to just sit down and fiddle with it.  I wish I did, because I hate being so ignorant... the fish were beautiful as always.  My favorite part is always the jellyfish.    But I think I've grown a particular fondness for beluga, also.  Teshie bought me an otter plushie that I've affectionately named Dan. He's so sweet.  ^_^

I really want to start talking to my friends a lot more often... there are a lot of plans to make and secrets to be shared and catching up to do.  ...So my biggest hope for the rest of this year is that I can stay on top of my work well enough to start having stupidly long conversations again.  And I really, really hope that we can keep these visits up, because they've really been a ton of fun.
♥

I've started and restarted this entry several times now... I'm just going to throw eloquence and thoughtfulness out the window.

For weeks, we've been searching for a car for Rephe.  He's been hoping to find a job, start getting his life running... but our budget was only $3,000, and everything we were finding in that price range had some serious damage sustained.  One dealer even tried to get away with selling us a vehicle that "bogged out" when it started.  I know that we weren't offering much, but who would put any kind of money into a promise like that?  I'm glad Anthony was there to keep us in line.  We're so naive... and impressionable.  But he was telling us what to expect and telling them what they needed to know, minus all of the confused glances that Rephe and I answered their inquiries with.  Today, we finally found something.  It's a white 2000 Blazer.  The worst I can say for it is that it's a gas hog.  But it's big, comfortable, and seems reliable enough to get him where he needs to go.  I'm really happy for him.    And especially excited for the rides I'm going to get in it.

As for myself, I had three finals on Wednesday... and just like that, one semester is over.  If the teacher rounds up from 0.8, then I've got myself one of the two A's that I need to be out of the red zone.  If not, well, I'm still in the same boat that I started the spring in.  Being extremely stressed out and wanting to celebrate the end of those particular classes, Rephe and I went and finally watched Harry Potter after the tests.  I liked it. 

I had fun staying up absurdly late and talking to Andrew again.

I'm not in the mood to divulge a lot.  I am in the mood to write (when aren't I?), but it all seems to be fizzling out right now.  What I can say is this: by this time next year, my goal is to have taken a vacation to a big city in the north.  Chicago, probably.  I've wanted to go back since I first saw it... and I think that the trip is going to change things, somehow.  What's more, I feel like if I don't make it, something will be dead.  I have to do it.

/heart.

I'm awake every night, and you're cutting through my head just like a knife.

PS- Rephe, you've been my wings.  I love you for your tendency to get songs stuck in my head for days and getting me to laugh at the helplessness of my life, when it is helpless.  Thank you.

It snowed again yesterday.  Of course, it's all been washed away by the rain now, but it snowed nevertheless.  I was at  my clinical rotation when it started.  I happened to be looking out the window, listening to the sound of hail & sleet chunking down on the cars below, and I noticed a snowflake drift lazily down in front of me.  And just like that, almost immediately, our professor rushed us downstairs to send us home.  I thought it was a bit of an overreaction, until I went outside and saw the street covered in chunks of ice.  On the way home, I saw no less than two car wrecks.  I live less than ten minutes from there.

The most beautiful thing was driving through the sleet, which just made the road look wet and miserable, straight into the snowstorm.  Birmingham slowly transformed from miserable wet city to one that was elegant and serene, blanketed in soft snowiness.  It happened in phases.  I was astounded.  Until I saw the first wreck.  To my credit, even though I've never driven in snow, I figured out what exactly I needed to do to never lose control (God-willing). 

The snowflakes were coming in big clumps, and as I watched them hit the ground, they exploded into a tiny puff-- a quick exhalation, and then there was no trace of them.  What a mesmerizing sight.

That was all yesterday.  Today, Anthony took Rephe and I out to look at cars for him.  We stopped at one dealer that seemed pretty trustworthy, not that I'm an expert judge of car dealers.  We were excited about one car that was in his budget, until they told us they couldn't sell it to us because it had transmission problems, after all.  Anthony was being a really smooth talker for us the whole time... I was impressed and fairly grateful.  Rephe and I were struggling to answer even basic questions.  XD.  So after that disappointment, we went to a place that just shot us out of the sky based on our budget, and decided just to eat (or did we eat before the second place?  It bothers me that I can't remember).  Since Anthony had never been to the cheesecake factory, we took him there.  Shockingly, I had a hamburger there (I usually go for pasta)... and it was great, but Rephe's tacos weren't... so we left a tad bit maoin'.  And then we decided to go to the dollar theatre and watch Due Date.  :3  It's been a loooong time since I've been to the theater.  The movie had some funny parts, but I doubt I'll remember it months from now.  Regardless, we had fun.  I'm glad today happened.

^_^;  Now, back to work.  I love you, Rephe.