March 15, 2011

  • 3.15.2011

    Inexplicably,  I've got time to write again.  I'm not sure what I'll say.  I don't want to resort to fuming about the program again, although they give me reasons to every week.  The program just works against everything that I am, ironically.  I thought it would be more humble, and more clear, but the great thing is that once this is over, there are ways out, if it's all like this.  And this semester is the last one that will be this way, so they tell us. 

    I've grown very addicted to Dr. Pepper lately.  James and I sometimes walk to the nearby Chevron station and pick some up.  I like the little walks.  Being outside without a destination ultimatum is relaxing.  We also took a look at housing in this area, since  I don't plan to live in an apartment forever.  (Although, I really love this apartment.)  The houses here are unreasonably expensive for the quality.  I expected as much... but I had an awful lot of fun looking around.  I think I may take a drive soon through the really nice neighborhoods and daydream about spending more than the worth of my lifetime on one.

    I almost had a stress breakdown this week, complete with uncontrollable crying right in front of everybody and possibly some irrational screaming... but I think Rephe saw it coming and took some steps: he left a really sweet note for me, called to leave an affectionate voicemail, and reinforced it with several texts throughout the day telling me that I was not a completely useless  screw-up.  It's a shame that I need to be reminded, but he's really the best at doing it.  We've spent a lot of time with each other now, and we don't fight the way that tired couple do.  I'm so grateful for that.

    I had big plans for his birthday, but it really doesn't look like I'll be working by then, judging by the way they haven't released our test grades yet.  Regardless, I'm sure that it's going to be filled with balloons and homemade cake.  Somehow, I'd like to throw a big surprise in there.. I might need some collaboration to figure it out, though.  Apart from that, I've been thinking long and hard about living with Dal one day.  I'm pretty convinced that that's when things are going to start feeling real again.  I'm not sure when they stopped, or how, but I've realized that Rephe's really my only string back right now, and Dal is my end game, so to speak.  Then it's just raids and uber equips, from there.  ^_-. 

    When did my conversations with my mother get so long?  I've actually begun looking forward to the little escape from life... and saying that somehow feels like some sort of healing.

    Isn't that odd.

    Life changes me in ways I truly would never have believed.